Some general thoughts that weren't included with the photo recaps.
When I was visiting with my grandma, she was asking if I would come back and visit her next year. And the of course, her daughters were gathered around her saying, "Yeah, tell your grandma you'll come back next year!". I answered with various answers like, "Well, see." or "Ummm, I can't say." or "I don't know". I don't like saying anything that I can't back up. Half of them there (including my parents) understood why I was answering that way. They said, "He doesn't want to say yes because he can't commit to that." The other half were saying, "If you say yes, that will giver her incentive to live longer!" But, I wouldn't allow myself to get painted into a corner by committing to going back to Taiwan in 2012.
I wanted to go see my grandma one last time before I left, because I don't know if I'll ever see her alive again. Years and years ago, after my grandfather died I didn't attend his funeral because I didn't have a valid passport and I didn't have the money to jump on a plane and go back to attend the funeral. The next time my grandma saw me, she looked me in the eye and said, "You promise me that when I die, you'll come to my funeral. Okay?" So I did promise that. And so, in the next 1 to 5 years, I know I'll be going back to Taiwan.
But when I mentioned that it would be nice to see my grandma one last time, my Dad shook his head and said, "No, we're going to see your mother's side in Pingtung. You haven't ever been there and her side needs to be visited too."
My grandma has a live-in helper. She looks to be in her late 20's. I thought her live-in helper was from Vietnam - or at one time she had a live-in from Vietnam. Later, I asked about her helper. She is, in fact from Vietnam, but she speaks Taiwanese to my relatives. She has a contract with my grandma (really her kids). She lives with her (in fact I think she sleeps in the same giant bed) and takes care of her. Pulls her up and gives her backrubs. She helps her go to the bathroom and probably helps bathe her. She cooks for her and is her companion throughout the day. She's been with her 7 years. According to her contract, she gets one month off every 3 years. My grandma had another helper before this one - who left on vacation and never came back. They joke that she ran away.
In comparison of Taiwan versus China as an experience, here are my thoughts (since I'd been to China twice in the last 7 years compared to Taiwan about 15 years ago):
Pollution: China C-, Taiwan B
Traffic: China C-, Taiwan A
Politeness (elbowing, crowding): China C-, Taiwan A
Sights and smells: China C, Taiwan C
While in Taiwan, especially out in the countryside, I was always encouraged to drink tea or boiled water. I asked my Dad if the water was considered safe. He said, well probably, but just out of habit and just to be safe, they always drank boiled water.
I saw few examples of Engrish. I think the reason for this, and as demonstrated by my second cousins, is that many people go live in America for a few years and then eventually return to live in Taiwan. I know this is what about half my cousins have done. The American dream is still the American dream for them. My family was the first to cross the ocean. And as my aunts and uncles got married and had kids, they applied for immigration visas and waited the 6-8 years in line for their turn. So when I was in high school and entering college, waves of my cousins showed up on the shores of Houston. They attended school, went to college, got their US Citizenship, and then half stayed in the US and the other half (through marriage or individual desires) returned back to live fulltime in Taiwan. The thing is, they are very proud to be Taiwanese and very happy to be US citizens (because when the crap hits the fan, they're going to grab their US passports and go back to their safe haven in the States). No matter what the stock markets say or what various politicians moan about the demise of the US in the world, the US is still the gold standard when it comes to safe havens.
Because I was feeling a bit under the weather, I ate very little food while in Taiwan and lost two pounds! Wheee.
While in the hordes of relatives at the banquet for grandma, I had to guess people's relationships to each other based on their age and how close they hung to each other. I was thinking, "I wish I had a picture and relationship chart like the FBI uses to track Mafia families so I could figure out how exactly I'm related to that person over there." Mostly, people (the young cousins) who have lived in Houston while I was living there were the ones who said "Hi" to me. The others, especially the children of my cousins had no idea who I was.
This is my third trip back since 1969 and it was no big deal. When I first went back in 1977, besides my Dad's family not having seen me since I was 5, they hadn't seen my Dad himself since 1965. It was BIG deal not having seen your son and your big brother in 12 years. And then when I went back in the mid-90's, I had sprouted quite a bit and it was a big deal. But in the years since, the cousins go back and forth between Taiwan and the US and I see them occasionally, so it's not that big of a deal anymore.
I did not see a single beggar on the street corners, as I do here in the States. I also did not see a single person of color my entire time there.
Everyone there is pretty warm blooded. It was probably in the mid-to-upper 70's while I was there and people were wearing coats. Only about 1 in 150 people I saw would dare to wear a t-shirt (besides me). I saw two dog owners having their dogs bundled in dog sweaters. Seriously, I was sweating in my pullover and had to take it off and tie it off around my waist.
Due to her age and partially because of the mini-strokes she suffered last year, grandma is slightly deaf. But, her kids compensate by assuming she's totally deaf and yelling everything to her. To be honest, grandma does a little shouting herself to get herself heard. But here was the last phone conversation I had with grandma (with my Aunt listening on the same phone with grandma):
Me: Hey grandma.Now to the two questions;
My Aunt: HE SAID HI GRANDMA
Grandma: Hi
Me: I'll miss you a lot
Grandma: I'll miss you too.
My Aunt: HE SAID HE WILL MISS YOU A LOT
My Aunt: SHE SAID SHE WILL MISS YOU TOO
THE Texas Andrea
Did you or your parents have any desire to take your kids along? Seems like it would have been an amazing trip for them.
Mmm, not really. If we have to drag them on a 26+ hour trip, we'd rather take them to New Zealand. But pondering this further, they were born in China and so a trip to Taiwan wouldn't be one of those "heritage tours". Also, they've never met my grandma (and highly unlikely to ever meet her). Besides a few aunts and uncles they've met, there's not a strong tie between them and my relatives. My link to them is tenuous at best, so theirs would be even weaker. And then, finally, one of the MOST ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE flights we've ever been on was the flight back from China (Shanghai to Chicago) for the adoption of the Boy. Ugh, a long flight with our kids? Not for a few more years!
Stef
Thanks for the recap. Maybe I missed this when you were talking about Mandarin earlier, but do you still remember Taiwanese?
Yes and No. About 80% of the time, a relative would be talking about me to my parents, in front of me in Taiwanese. Then my parents would say, "You know, he understands Taiwanese. He just can't speak as well." The person would suddenly look at me and say, "You understand me?" And I would nod my head, "Yup, yup". The other 20% would walk up to me and start speaking to me in Mandarin. And then my parents would have to say, "You need to speak Taiwanese. Taiwanese. He doesn't understand Mandarin."
For me, my understanding of Taiwanese is the "fill in the blank" type of understanding. The context of what is being said helps me figure out what the rest of the sentence is about. Here is an example:
- Jack and [ ]went [ ] the hill
- To [ ] a pail of water.
- Jack fell [ ]and [ ] his crown,
- And [ ]came tumbling after.
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