I don't know. As they say, the only constant is change.
So now that I've got each first tier manager put in their place, do I just say, "Well, everyone here is a professional. They've been given their orders, I just sit back and watch the brilliance of my plan unfold."
Ha-ha-ha.
This is why I mentally roll my eyes whenever I work with people who think that planning and leadership is "baking", where you follow a recipe to the letter and the end result will be what you want. Planning and leadership is "cooking". Things get messy. People flake out. People lie to you. People go on vacation. Like cooking, you have to roll with the punches and constantly adjust as the meal (plan) is cooking.
Also, you have to get in their faces.
So with each manager backed into a corner agreeing to this plan, since I had hijacked their patented excuse of "Ummm, I have to check with my boss", I had to then roll it out to the grunts. If I leave it to the managers to get them going, I'm getting nowhere because they've already had the bird (mentally) flipped towards them. You have to bite the bullet, and go into a first line department meeting and present the plan, and then have them throw mental tomatoes at you. That's the dirty part of this job many people don't realize that it takes. No one wants to be called an idiot, so they avoid the department meeting where they know people will be doing eye rolls because they don't want their itty, bitty feelings hurt.
Hey bring it on. I get paid good money by the Mega-lo-corp to do my job and do it well, not to hide out in my office with crossed fingers.
The concept of getting paid to do a job and do it well will come up more than once in this set of posts.
The following is a amalgamation of conversations that ensued in department meetings (with people talking to me with crossed arms, and bitter looks) and in individual's offices where they're leaned back in their chair, with crossed arms looking at me with severe distrust.
Me: So, we need to start looking at these bug reports that are considered backlog bugs.
Programmer: Great, another stupid "let's clean house" plan by management.
M: Hey, we need to get our house in order.
P: Why? We're doing fine. We haven't capsized the ship by having so many bugs sitting there.
M: Well, to the bean counters, it looks like you're overwhelmed and will never get to these bugs.
P: Stupid accounting. What do they know. We are short handed. Each year, we lose people and don't get backfill!
M: Hey, that's life. Now, back to the backlog.
P: I work the important stuff. Leave me alone.
M: I know you know what's important. But can you tell me....let's see here you've got a bug that's 7 years old.
P: It's not all on me! I took over that bug 2 years ago when Joe transferred out.
M: Okay, from the records it looks like Joe didn't think it was fixing the 5 years he had it.
P: [shrug] Wasn't my call.
M: But you've had it for 2 years since then and.....
P: Seriously, it's a stupid bug opened by the whiners over in test.
M: Sure, but you didn't fix it in 2 years since you inherited it because....
P: Because I've got more important bugs to work!
M: Exactly! And, it hasn't been reported in the field in the 7 years since we discovered it.
P: Well.....
M: Well, is it really a bug?
P: Oh yeah, I looked at the code, it's a bug.
M: So you looked at the code?
P: Yeah when I got assigned this bug 2 years ago.
M: So you saw the code fragment where this is breaking, but you didn't take the time to fix it right then and there?
P: Hey, it's not as simple as that. Joe dumped 25 bugs into my lap when he left. Yeah, it sounds like I could fix 1 just like that. But I've got to recreate it first, then fix it, then test it, then ask someone to review it, then document the fix, then drop the code. You imply I just had one I could fix right then and there. Well, multiply that by 25!
M: But again, no one has reported this problem in the field or even in the original test labs since it was first discovered 7 years ago.
P: Yeah, but if we close it, then people will think we don't care.
M: We, I mean you don't care, since you could have fixed it 2 years ago and you didn't.
P: I have more important bugs to fix!
M: So this is exactly the type of backlog bug I want you to close.
P: Right after I close this, this bug is gonna get found in the field, they'll trace this problem back to the bug report we knew about and closed.
M: So, if you leave it open then they'll ask you why you haven't fixed it since we discovered it SEVEN YEARS ago.
P: Well, if it's not closed, at least I can say I was eventually going to work on it.
M: Then let's close it and if someone reports the problem from the field, then you can re-open this bug report.
P: Then let's leave it open!
M: Let's close it. That's the point of this project to admit to those bugs we're never going to get to fixing and letting management get a true view of what problems you are REALLY working on in real time.
P: I'm not putting my name to a closure.
M: Blame me, I don't care.
P: What do you mean?
M: Close it with the statement that you are closing this as "unfixed" under protest with orders from Johnny [blog]
P: You'd willing to have your name used as the reason?
M: Sure.
P: That's stupid. Then why don't you just do what you wanted me to do and close out all these bugs you think I'll never get to. You get your hands dirty for once.
M: Sure, I can do it. I have super user authority. I can close any bug report. I can write a shell script that closes your 37 backlog bugs and in it I'll put down that I'm closing these under the backlog reduction project.
P: Good!
M: And I'll be sure to send a warning message to your manager and his manager detailing that you've absolved yourself of all responsibility in this project and the only action I could take was to close these bugs without your cooperation and analysis.
P: [gears rolling in his head] Wait.
M: You can work with me or against me. This is going to happen.
P: [Sigh] Okay, let me look over the bug list.
M: Thanks. I'm coming back to check on you next week. If you only take care of one, we start this all over again.
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