Teach Your Children - Pt 5

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
by Graham Nash

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,

And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,

And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

I have a coffee pot at work that used to be a hub of small morning chit-chat. When I left my building for my 3 years in the wilderness, I lost most of my morning addicts drinkers. But slowly, they've been coming back. One woman, I've wrote about slightly in the past. The sum of the story her story is this:

• Pregnant at 14 or 15 with by an older (4 years) boy.
• Moved to a state where you could get married real young and got married, kept the baby.
• Had two more kids, then decided to finish get her GED and start college.
• Had a part time job at the Mega-lo-corp during college.
• Became the primary earner after getting her degree and a permanent job at the 'corp.

So sometimes, people stop by for coffee and we chit-chat about coffee, sometimes about life. This gal and I were talking about our kids (she's been married over 20 years) and how her oldest is still "in the nest", so to speak. I made a joke about drugs - this is the type of joke you make where it is obvious you are talking about how your personal drug history might run into your child's drug history.

She laughed as expected and then later the conversation turned to her parents (now divorced). She said her mother was "born again", and she rolled her eyes at this. When I said, "Hey, you said she was a 'hippie' when you were growing up. That's okay right?" And she then said, "Yeah, I suppose. But she pops her Xanax in the morning and then drinks wine all day long. I mean, yeah......'born again'".

A little more talking and then she goes into more detail about her childhood. At one point, she said, "Well, you know my parents were long time heroin addicts, right?"

At this point (and further as the story went), I kept doing that thing that cartoon characters do where their eyes widen, they close their eyes, and they shake their head as if this might make the shock go away.

We didn't go into her specific drug history, but she said that because of her parents she had NEVER ever been tempted to even consider anything that would involve a needle or heroin. She said that, as a young child, she would watch her parents shoot up, then their faces would glaze over and they would slump over in their stupor. As a young child, she was left sitting there, next to her passed-out parents, wondering if her parents had overdosed or not; having to sometimes check if they were still breathing.

Holy Cow.

Now wonder she left with her boyfriend the moment she got pregnant.

Oh, it gets worse. As we were talking, she said her Mom never really "pushed" her to try heroin, but she did tell her, "You know that shooting it up or snorting it is a big waste of heroin. The best is to smoke it. If you...you know...ever want to try, at least let me know so you don't go wasting your money."

Holy Crap.

And this comes back to the poll I did a few months ago:

Has your parents' marital history affected your marriage or marital status?

Yes - I use them as a positive guide	36 (38%)
Yes - I use them as a guide of what not to do	36 (38%)
No	22 (23%)

Are you becoming your parents?

Yes - To my satisfaction	16 (19%)
Yes - To my chagrin	21 (25%)
Yes - To my horror	8 (9%)
No - To my relief	34 (41%)
No - To my sadness	2 (2%)

These polls were generated because I wonder how much of my parents I have inherited, that I can't shake off that I want to grasp very tightly. I wondered how many of you had thought about the same things.

Yeah, not that many of us have parents who are reformed heroin addicts. But our parents are not saints nor are they purely sinners. I sometimes raise my voice to my kids and about 1 second after I've used "the voice", I realize I just did something the way my Dad did. I didn't really resent it when he raised his voice, it just scared the crap out of me. I can't be sure if I ever said, "I'll never use that voice on my kids" to myself. Probably because the idea of having kids of my own was so foreign to me.

For me, my parents' marriage is a good role model for me. It has shown me what a partnership is about. With kids, our marriage has definitely strained at the seams at times. And once again, when I ponder that idea, I think back to my Mr. Caveman analogy. I always say that when Mr. and Mrs. Caveman had kids, their marriage was also "stretched" a bit. I say that I use my parents as a role model, but I also know that they must have had disagreements or fights behind closed doors. And Wifey is pretty good about that. Me, I remind myself (that I shouldn't have blown my top) about 1 second after I blow my top.

So yes, to my satisfaction and my horror I think I'm slowly becoming my parents.

Tonight my mother called because she's finally been forced to use this thing called "email". On the third try, she must have finally typed my email address correctly, but I was too busy to reply (at work) and she called to see if I received it. She asked about the kids and our recent trip. She talked about how she never has to worry about me because Wifey and I are very financially secure and have our heads screwed on straight when it comes to daily things going on in our lives.

And then at the very end, she said, "Any kids who have you as parents should consider themselves very lucky."

Thanks Mom. And although you are a hard-ass, and have never supported our adoptions from China and constantly throw backhand compliments across my face....I am lucky to have you as a Mom.

[Things are really busy at work these days. I'm not on a blogging hiatus, but posts will be infrequent for the next few days or weeks]

Teach Your Children - Pt 4

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,

And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,

Who wears the "pants" in a family?

If you say, "Why my spouse and I are on a totally equal footing!"

Ha!

In my last year in Electrical Engineering I partnered up with a friend of mine as lab partners one semester. We bent over backwards trying not to offend or seem like either one of us were ordering the other one around. We were so polite to each other, that we barely got things done on time. I realized that, sometimes, for a partnership to work someone has to be in charge. The next semester, I took charge and would tell my partner (when we finished early), "Hey, we got the lab done. Let's go for a pitcher of Margaritas!"

I've watched my parents take different roles with me and my sister. But, I also watched how they interacted with each other. The interesting is that my Dad was a bit more "liberal" than I thought an old-school guy like him would be. But, not that liberal.

He was the primary wage earner in the home, yet he left the banking and bills to my Mother. He never knew how much money we had in the bank - and he would get a weekly allowance from my mother. But if she wanted to buy something expensive, his first instinct (from growing up very poor) would be to put his foot down and say, "What! Buying more things! " And then, she would work on him and basically just slowly wear him down with talk about that item. Sometimes it took weeks or months, and then he'd finally cave. But sometimes, she sensed that it was a losing cause or something not worth putting stress onto their marriage and she would give up something she wante.

[As an aside, an ex-girlfriend had parents where the father gave her mother a set amount of money for groceries. And, she had to come back with the change and the receipt when she got back. She had to SHOW HIM the bill and then return the change to him.

Big, big control freak.

When the parents finally divorced, the mother had to learn about how to balance a checkbook and where money was kept (the difference between savings and checking accounts).

And Wifey's family was like that too - except my MIL was/is just plain L-A-Z-Y. Money? That was too much trouble to deal with. She just let her husband worry about that she just asked him for money as she needed it. And when he passed away, she had to learn about money also.

Wow.]


Back to my Dad being more liberal than I thought he would be. I remember that when my Mom was in her mid-30's, she suddenly announced that she and two other women were signing up at the local community college to take drafting.

For those of you too young to know, before the days of computers, you had to draw out all the specifications for anything that was constructed by HAND. No printers. It was done by precise and patient people, but you had to have training on how to read rough diagrams and then how to translate them into precise drawings and where to put the measurements on the draft.

The class involved going twice a week, at night, for one semester.

And three middle-aged women met up, went to class, and learned how to draft.

They weren't going to make a career out of it. I have NO idea how this idea came out, as my mother just announced it one day that she would be gone from 7:00 - 9:00 twice each week.

The thing is, I never saw my Dad grumble or mumble or say anything negative about that. There was no, "What are you doing that for? You'll never use it for anything!" comments I figured a conservative Asian man would say.

But thinking about this post, I remember that when my Mom, my sister, and I arrived in Houston, my mother took a job as a key-punch operator* to support us while my Dad was finishing up his PhD.

I think that he realized that she had done much to support his dream of a PhD. And that if that was she wanted to do, to feel some sort of fulfillment, then maybe you should let your wife disappear for 4 hours each week without questioning it's value.

Sometimes Wifey comes up with grandiose plans to take some night course or some language course (she recently got excited about taking a Mandarin class - and then tonight told me she didn't think she had the time).

I guess what I learned from my Dad is that you sometimes have to let your partner fly, even if you think they may be flying in circles.

It's the supporting of the flying, rather the direction of the flight that is most important...I suppose.

*Without using Google, how many of you really know what a key-punch operator is?

Sometimes it's overrated

Since remodeling the house over two years ago, we've tried to use compact florescent lights to be all "green". But, in the two year span, I've had about 4 CF lights go bad. I thought they were supposed to last me "years"?

I thought I was going crazy and Wifey, who used to specialize in industrial lighting, just hemmed and hawed (which she does when she doesn't want to admit she doesn't know the answer).

I've started taking a sharpie and writing the date I install a replacement CF light to see how long it was between installation and failure. The geek in me wants to know.

And then, I finally stumble across this article. Great.

Teach Your Children - Pt 3

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,

I have a friend I think about, when I think about marriage. Actually, I have more than one friend who I think about when I think about marriage. They are my friends whose parents had bad divorces (I guess as opposed to a good divorce?).

My friends, whose parents divorced when they were in middle school, you could see the hesitancy in them concerning marriage. I saw the caution and unsureness of the concept of marriage, not about the person they eventually did marry. My wary friends just seemed to get married much, much later in life (early to mid-30's).

Since the divorce rate is 50% there is NO predictor of how things will work out.

On the other hand, I as a living witness to my parents' marriage, viewed marriage very optimistically. The reason I got married late in life (37) was I didn't date often (I once went 4 years in between dates) and most of the women didn't appeal to me (it was an odd thing to turn down a good looking woman when it came time to discuss the "next" date). And no, I'm not one of those people who believe that there is only one true-and-destined person for each person.

Again, I look towards my parents and the lessons I've picked up from watching them.

Do you know that I can only remember one time when I actually heard my parents argue? Only one time did I hear their voices raise up in anger and shouting - when I was a wee, wee little child of 4 or 5.

A bit of backtrack, and longtime readers will already know. My parents met through an uncle of my Dad. In fact, I recently learned it was the biological brother of my grandmother, who was given up to a neighboring farmer for adoption. I think my Dad's uncle always looked fondly on my Dad and was on the lookout for someone to introduce my Dad to.

By the time they met, he had done his 2 years of mandatory military service, finished college and was working as an Electrical Engineer at a lighting design factory. But, he dreamed of more. And after having two kids, my Mother let him go chase his dream - of higher education.

When I was almost 1, he packed up and immigrated to the US to pursue graduate school. [As an aside, it has always grated on my nerves when I hear people complaining about "what are THOSE people doing here in our schools? are colleges are too full as it is." Just burns me up.]

My Dad later told me that he got accepted to the University of Oklahoma and the University of Houston - it was a coin flip of where to go. I think that, Houston being along the coast with a larger Asian community, he chose Houston (not the better school). And there but for the grace of a coin flip.......

In my mind, I thought my parents were separated for 2 years. Recently (and this is where it's freaky that you assume certain facts about your parents that you find out were totally wrong), I discovered that they were apart for almost 3.5 years. I guess that makes sense when you factor that my Dad went and got a Masters and a (very, very close to his) PhD before he sent for us.

Another assumption I made was that during this time, my parents occasionally called each other. When I said this to my mother, she let out a slightly bitter laugh and said, "NO, are you joking? Phone calls were very expensive back then! We could only write to each other!"

Yup, believe it or not, them were the days before this new-fangled "internet". No Skype there.

So, for 3.5 years my mother had to single-parent while working full time and my Dad just concentrated on Electrical Engineering. I've seen a picture of him and his 3 other roommates. Just 4 guys in their late 20's trying to make it by on shared stewed chicken for dinner.

And my parents could only communicate to each other through mail. I still remember those specialized envelopes they they used for this. It's blue, it's (when folded up), almost the size of a postcard and stamped on the front are the words "Par Avon". Wow, memories (letters between us and our families back in Taiwan up until the 80's).

And so, when my Dad was in his last year of getting his PhD, he sent for us.

I remember that one fight I heard my parents having. It was a bit frightening, but over the years I've thought back on that.

How hard is it to re-connect with your spouse after 3.5 years separated. Military families have it hard being separated by 1 or 2 years. But to be gone for 3.5 years of each other's lives? You (my Dad) have become a bachelor after a few years of marriage and parenthood. You (my Mom) have had to make many major decisions concerning the kids in that interim. I've thought that, of course, when they got back together they had to re-learn about each other and adjust to being co-parents of these two kids.

[A slight veer into adoption. When I think back about this, it comes back to my feelings about adoption. My Dad disappeared from my life when I was 1 and re-appeared when I was 4.5. To my young mind (and boys do mature slower than girls), that 3.5 years was just a flash that I didn't miss. In other words, I don't recall any bitterness, anger, sorrow for not having a Dad those 3.5 years. He was just and still is: "My Dad".]

Cajun Chicken

I haven't made this dish in quite a while.

Rub ingredients: brown sugar, oregano, black pepper, chili powder, and thyme.

Put the rub on chicken breasts. Let it sit for a while, then take it out on the grill and just cook them about 4-5 minutes each side.

Dice some garlic.
Take small tomatoes and slice them up into thirds or quarters. Then, place these slices under a an oven broiler until the edges of the slices get brown/black.
Take butter and sizzle the garlic in the pan.
Add: vermouth, the broiled tomatoes, chopped fresh thyme and oregano.

Add heavy cream.
Add Tabasco sauce and oyster sauce and let it thicken.

Grilled chicken taken off the grill and allowed to rest just a bit.

Put the sauce under the sliced chicken.

Teach Your Children - Pt 2

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick, the one you'll know by.

Did you know that I've never seen my parents kiss each other? Nope, never have I seen those two ever lock lips. And if I did or they saw me see this, I think we would ALL be massively horrified. There's that saying,

"No sex please, we're British!"

For my family, it would be

"No Public Displays of Affection please, we're Asian!"

This not surprisingly was a constant reminder that I grew up living two lives, two cultures, two value systems. And I remember thinking to myself, "Well, if you can juggle this, you can handle any other odd thing that comes down later in life." You know, I was right!

My parents never told me about the "birds and the bees". Well, my Mom started thinking that at 21 I might need [cough] to [cough] maybe [cough] have a talk [cough] about that subject matter [cough, cough, cough] with her.

AWKWARD.

My parents, not surprising, are old school. You married for life - and the only way to get out of a bad marriage was death. One of my aunts, who I didn't know very well, finally passed away (when I elementary age) due to a stroke. She was very, very unhappily married and the stress of the marriage probably added to the stroke. However, I think my mother and her sisters were relieved that she finally had peace since that was the only way out according to the values they were raised with.

Old School. The men in the family got married wearing white gloves, and the ceremony was held at the groom's house. I remember when I was in high school, my mother had to head to Taiwan for a few weeks. Besides seeing family, she had to attend the wedding of one of my Dad's youngest brother (he's the oldest of 9). I said, "Oh, okay. You said you have to go?" She then told me that the bride was a city girl (like my Mom oh-so-many-years-ago) and that she would be in for a bit of a shock having to spend a few days in the country getting ready for wedding. In other words, my grandparents (then) still had an outhouse and mosquito netting for their bedrooms.

But the thing with this old school is that you don't show your emotions. And having the dual life in the US for me was eye-opening. On TV, I see people sticking their tongues into each other just kissing (eeewwwww!), but nary a peck on the check for my parents. You juggle both realities and see that there is a whole spectrum of emotions in check and splayed out for everyone to see.

I don't spite my Dad for being unable to hug me or tell me he loves me. He's gotten really much better in his late 70's. He'll actually put a hand on my shoulder in a very friendly manner. He learned to control his emotions from his very taciturn father (who in turn was extremely loving and affectionate towards me...hmmmmm).

However, I do have the choice be otherwise. I try to make a concerted effort to kiss Wifey goodbye, especially in front of the kids, when I leave to go to work. But for the Boy, I have an extra special time with him. I'm in charge of bathing him and putting him to bed each night. I had to teach him, through rote action, that kissing is a sign of affection and something we do when going to sleep. So most nights, when he hops into bed, he puckers up for his kiss - which I give him.

And then I tell him, "I love you".

Most of the time he just grunts happily. But sometimes, I get a "I waaaaaab you" right back. Sometimes.

And that makes me happy.

Teach Your Children - pt 1

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

[Warning, mental meandering up ahead]

When I was a kid, my parents had a longtime subscription to Reader's Digest. I used to read through the articles and the "editorial" cartoons. It was only when I was older did I realize how "soft sell" the magazine was - no story ever ended gloomy or without hope.

One cartoon I saw showed a family through three generations, standing next to each other. The grandparents were old bikers, wearing leather and chains sitting on top of their bikes. The parents were a conservatively dressed suit-and-tie-Dad and a Mom-with-a-dress-and-apron. And the kids of this conservatively dressed couple were young teens dressed in black leathers - as biker wanna-be's.

I've always thought back to that cartoon. The idea of generation skip. The idea that we rebel against some of the things or the ways we were raised.

Lately the kids have been mocking me. Sometimes when I look at them in a certain way, they will say, "ONE......TWO.....THREE" and then they pretty much stop because I usually get them running to do something by the time I'm about to count off "three". But every time they do this, I quickly ask myself is it something I regret?

Not really, cause I'm a hardass. I think about it and think:

• Am I setting a bad example? Hell no, they have to do what their Dad tells them to do!
• Are they going to turn into hardasses? Well, it's better than being softy pushovers!
• Will they resent or hate me when they get older? Mmm. You can tie yourself up in endless thoughts pondering this one.

As with most people, I'm guessing my way through parenting.

Sometimes I quietly, but very firmly lecture my daughter who has "broken" her mother for the afternoon. She's driven her mother to the brink of losing control, and I have to separate those two. When I'm "very firmly" driving my point home to the Girl, she's acknowledging me while tears are streaming down her eyes.

Often I ask myself am I a reflection of my parents? I have to say yes and no. We all want to keep the good parts of our parents and try to ditch the negative aspects of our parents. The thing I've kept in mind is that your view of how your parents were or are to you certainly changes with time. I know I've said this before in other posts...but "The older I get, the wiser my Dad becomes." I wonder if some action I think is reasonable now...I may look back with regret 5 or 10 years down the line? And by then, it's too late. Have I've already ruined my kids?

This is where pondering about my sister and I has come in, in the past. Raised by the same standard by the same two parents. Only 1.5 years apart in age, and yet so very different in behavior.

Already, I aspects of my sister in the Girl. And I see aspects of myself in the Boy. But then, do we see parts of different people in every kid - if we just try hard enough?

I think parenting is like margarine. You were told that it was much better for you than butter. Okay, let's all rush over from butter to margarine. A few years later.....ooops, maybe butter is better after all. And then...a few years later....ooops, again.

And by then, your body is all confused and you've got something clogged somewhere.

Parenting is a guess, based on what we experienced as kids - the good and the bad.

I just remind myself that I'm guessing my way through it. And as I come to that truth, I also realize that my parents were doing the same thing years ago, with us. It's just in the eyes of a 5 year old, they seemed so sure about what they were doing.

I guess, we should never let "them" see us sweat.

Aloha Maui

wPod

Two swam up to the boat. Hopefully I got better photos with my real
camera.

A tale of a whale

Ahoy!

She wore an

Itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini........

And when she took it off afterwards her White Mama could only shake her head in amazement at how easily she browns. Don't be jealous wifey, it's a curse we Asians must bear.

I see dead swimmers

At 8:10am there sure are a lot of families at the pool.

What's that saying?

Today it mostly rained. But what's that saying? A rainy day in
paradise is still better than a sunny day at work.

Again?

This will be luau #5 for me. Pass the Pepto and tell me when to clap.

Tempests in teapots

The first morning here wifey looked at all these pool chaise chairs
with towels on them. She kept wondering out loud if they were
reserved and who had the nerve to tie up these prime spots without
actually being there. Of course she then flipped through the "rule
book" of the hotel later that night to find that rule that said you
couldn't reserve pool chairs.

This morning we happened upon prime chairs with towels slightly damp
(dew?) and askew. Reserved or last night?

We dumped the towels and claimed prime territory. About 45 minutes
later a couple showed up and started questioning me about our "moving
their stuff" (random towels).

You know you can always count on my candor and honesty.......I played
dumb, and they had no choice but to move in to nearby chairs and
deposit their stuff (and leave!).

She was muttering under her breath, "how rude" as they were moving
away. I could also tell she wanted her husband to confront me (which
he was declining to do).

Wifey was away with the Boy when this happened and she said latte the
women passed our chairs with some and pointed us out to friend as the
people who stole their chairs.

Later we moved to another pool and decided to leave our towels on the
chairs, askew and vague. That family better not have swiped our
chairs when we return after lunch!

Sent from my iPhone

Adoptive Stalking

Today while we were at the aquarium, we spotted what wifey and I call
"secret handshake" (when we are out in public). So, a bit of skulking
about, and we all eventually ended up at a drink stand. I summoned
enough chutzpah and asked the Dad if her girl was from China. Of
course he said yes. Of course the next ice-breaker question was
"which Provence". Of course Dad had no clue! His wife answered
"Jiangxi". Of course my two CQ kids beat up the jiangxi kid and took
her lunch money. Heh.

(she was Jiangxi 2006)

Sent from my iPhone

It's all good

It's the pits

A few years ago I discovered that I had developed an allergy to "beach
air". When I step onto a beach, a few hours later my armpits redden
and swell up. Yeah, a bit TMI. Ironic for a Houston boy.

And this limited because I was careful not to step into the surf.

Still, it is paradise.

How-why-ya

Someone's B-Day Today

(Wifey)

Be back 3/23

Note to Doris: I accidentally cooked an extra steak for Steakfest 2009. I immediately thought, "Too bad Doris isn't here!"

Steakfest 2009

iPhone Lemming

That title just jumped in my head, although the body of the post has been percolating in my mind for a while.

Interesting article about Lemmings. I know that I saw the same Disney documentary when I was in 5th or 6th grade.

First a thing about cool or anti-cool. I think one of my biggest pet peeves are people who become something that they are against, purely by their actions against that something. For instance, people who say, "I would never do [blah-blah-blah] because they are such SNOBS". But, in being so "tut-tut" about something, they in essence are "such SNOBS" (get it?).

When the iPhone came out, I could see the surge in a bit of craziness about it. But I never said to myself, "What fools!" First, I knew that one day I would be getting one (always go for version 2.0, never version 1.0). Second, I've been using Apple products since I was in high school (Apple II baby!). So, I'm kinda a Apple-lover. It was only a matter of time.

Really, what's kept me away from the iPhone is that I'm not a big cell phone person (until recently). To this day, I get about 1 cell phone call a week - usually from Wifey and about every 5th call from one of my good friends whose only means of communication is his cell phone.

To me, in order to leave the house or come home from work, I do the mental "pat down". By that, I run through the list of 3 things I gotta have before I leave:

1. Wallet - check
2. Watch - check
3. Keys - check

For years, that was everything. Then, when I got one of my best (and most arduous) jobs at the Mega-lo-corp, I got the PAGER. Not only was it a pager, it was a text pager. When I asked when I could not carry it, they looked at me with a bit of sadness and said, "Ummmm, you carry this wherever you go." And sure enough, they were right. I usually had the beeper off because I didn't want it waking the kids, but I was very good at hearing the loud "HMMMMM" it gave off as it vibrated when it went off at 10:45 pm when someone was stuck and they needed a decision made by me.

I carried that for 3 years and I literally got used to it being in a certain pocket or I knew that I had left it in a drawer.

Now after Wifey and I got married, I thought about getting a cell phone. But still, I resisted. My thought was there were only so many things you could do "on the road" that couldn't be resolved by waiting until you go home. And mostly, that's true. But with our first adoption, I decided that was a good excuse time to purchase cell phones. Each time (I got a new cell phone pair* for us), Wifey was extremely....ummm...uncaring? Apathetic? About receiving a new cell phone. She also never saw a great need to have a cell phone.

And truth be told, she's not the best candidate. She's what I call an "electronics killer". (this drives her crazy when I say that). What I mean by that is electronic devices such as cell phones seem to have their batteries drain faster when she owns them. Or, the garage door opener takes her 10 pushes to engage and work (we've already switched contollers once - my previously flawless controller still balks when she touches it). I've met people like that at the Mega-lo-corp: They emit an EM-field that kills stuff.

That's my quiet theory anyway.

But what drove Wifey crazy was I kept thrusting cell phones at her and I would never actually have mine turned on. I had my cell phones turned off, sitting in the storage compartment of my car's driver armrest. When I would turn it on about once a month to call home and ask Wifey something, I would see, "You have 3 messages". Hmmm. I would listen to them and they were typically 2 or 3 weeks old. Wifey would ask me, "What's the use in trying to call you on your cell if you won't even turn it on?**"

To me, with the text pager, it was another thing to carry. My wallet goes in my left (khaki shorts) pocket. My pager and keys go into my right. And that's about it. But I did return the pager years ago when my job changed. So in the last year, I've finally turned it on and left it on - and actually carry it around with me. I figure if I could do that with a pager for 3 years and get used to it, I could do the same with a cell phone.

(now when she calls me and I have it turned on and I actually answer, her first reaction is always surprise, "Oh, you are actually there!")

So no, I'm not an anti-cell phone snob. I was just too lazy to carry one.

But why an iPhone now?

It has to do with travel. Wifey and I are big list makers, planners, and organizers. When we were childless, we would have a few general places we'd like to visit at some place, and we might print out a map or a listing of that place and pack it along with our travel documents. And when we got there, and the place we were visiting was closed that day, no big deal. We just went somewhere else right then and there.

With kiddos, not so much. You have to have a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, and so forth. If your child has a meltdown during Plan A, you need to jump to Plan D because that's the best alternative at that point. Or, if you find out that Plan A-Plan D won't work you have to go back to the hotel to regroup and figure out what to do for the rest of the day.

This year, we've done two trips as a family. And there have been cases where a piece of paper we printed out was missing and we've tried to remember where that museum or restaurant was at from our memory of reading about it at our home computers.

We've got some upcoming trips this year as well and I've decided I don't want us to be stuck on the road when some kids' museum we drive up to is closed on Mondays.

So, iPhone = Road computer

I told Wifey I was going to get that for my birthday this Fall. But then, I thought why not take advantage of it now before our next big trip.

Besides, I'm going to get this bad boy for my birthday instead:

*An no, Wifey did not get a matching iPhone. Are you kidding? She's an electronics killer!

**And the really ironic thing is that she leaves her phone in the car exclusively and only turns it on when she's expecting possible phone calls!

Welcome to the Dark-ish side

VADER iPhone
There is no escape. Don't make
me destroy you. You do not yet
realize your importance [as a consumer in this economic recovery].
You have only begun to discover your
power. Join me and I will complete
your training brainwashing. With our combined
strength complete computer geekness, we can end this destructive
conflict and bring order to the
galaxy phone wars.

LUKE Johnny
I'll never I'm not quite ready to join you!

iPhone
If you only knew the power of the
dark hip-and-cool side. Obi-Wan Stephanie never told
you what happened to your father why she never returns your phone calls has she?

Johnny
He She told me enough! It was you
who killed him She said she never got my messages.

iPhone
No. I am your father She deemed your cell phone too uncool to call back.

Shocked, LukeJohnny looks at Vader iPhone in utter disbelief.

Johnny
No. No. That's not true!
That's impossible!

iPhone
Search your feelings. You know
it to be true.

Johnny
No! No! No!

iPhone
Luke Johnny. You can destroy the Emperor Blackberry.
He RIM has foreseen this. It is your
destiny. Join me, and together
we can rule the galaxy download many, many apps as father
and son marketing tool and internet addict. Come with me. It is the
only way.