The Walk Through the Door

As I've recounted, I fell on my shoulder 11 years ago and I'm left with a light, dull ache in my right shoulder. Nothing to cure, only to manage. Last week, as I was getting my monthly massage from my therapist, she and I were discussing various clinics and spas around town. I told her about a funny (to me) conversation I had with one massage therapist. I didn't realize, until she uttered a special sentence that she was.....and I'll use the two finger quotes when I type this......"one of those" people.

As I was describing my fall to this "one of those" therapist, the odd conversation went like this:

Me: And so, I have this ache that is pretty much there all the time.

Therapist: Uh-hunh.

Me: So, if you could work in that area.

Therapist: Sure. But let me ask you a question.

Me: Sure.

Therapist: Has your body let go of the anger?

Me: Hunh? Excuse me?

Therapist: Has your body let go of the anger of being injured? That's part of the healing process.

Me: Mmmmm, sure. Sure, I can say that......my.....body has let go of the....eerrrrr...anger.

Therapist: Okay then, let's get started shall we?

And that caused my current therapist to laugh out loud. Ironically, that "kooky" therapist gave me one of the most intense deep tissue massages I ever had - but I lost her name and email address and never saw her again. Oh well, it was all for the best. I'm not sure how many crystals I would have had to chant to in order to be her regular client.

The reason I bring this up was that I recently read a blurb about how scientists believe that there are memories imprinted in the womb as much as one month before birth.

Eeehhhhh....I'm not sure I'm a big believer in that.

I've read in some adoption blogs where some parents believe their child experiences the intense memory of being abandoned by their birth parents.

I can't say that they are wrong, and I won't say that they are right. Me personally, I can't remember my first 2 years of life. Of course, I'm just me. I don't speak for anyone else (and I wasn't abandoned - so of course I have not personal experience in that regard)

[okay now....slowly.....slowly unbunch those panties you angry readers]

The Girl, she HATES to be left alone by herself.

OMG! It's a direct relationship back to her abandonment.

Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe that's just the way she was born/wired.

The Boy, he could be left alone by himself anywhere. He doesn't care.

OMG! That's a direct relationship back to his abandonment.

Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe that's just the way he was born/wired.

I guess I could look at each of their situations and ask my kids, "Well, have you let go of the anger?"

[okay now....slowly.....slowly unbunch those panties you angry readers]

What is this posting really about?

Well, I was reading an adoption blog and clicked on a link they had on their side bar. And that led me to another blog which led me to another blog. In this final blog, they described their third adoption. This time, they adopted a waiting child who was older. She was placed into foster care when she was older and then she's been with a foster family for many years.

And then, these people in America write her and ask if she would like to be adopted.

An older child adoption always fascinates me.

Unlike babies, who had no choice in the matter - of being abandoned OR adopted - by you and me, this older child was of the age of consent where they could turn down the request.

I think of what this girl must have to think about. She is walking away from her country, the only city she has ever known. And then, she is going to a place she's only read about with these people she'll only meet for the first time the day they come to adopt her.

The door of adoption is held open for her, but she has the choice to walk through it to the waiting strangers-soon-to-be-parents on the other side of the threshold.

What is going through her mind when she has this choice? I'm very, very curious.

Whereas a baby/toddler adopted by us may or may not remember their experiences of abandonment, living in an orphanage, and adoption by us by the time they reach the age they can put down complex sentences, the waiting kids have the cognizant memory of the adoption circumstances. I want to know what they thought at that time.

If you happen to have a child who was adopted at a later age, and they can comfortably tell their story, let me know!