Top Chef Johnny

Wifey and I are fans of the TV show "Top Chef". When the episodes are showing, I'm always wondering what I would do in their shoes. However, I know I'm am way out of their class when they discuss cooking techniques I've never heard of.

But still, I wonder how I would do when I was given a random set of conditions and told to make something. So sometimes when I'm curious enough, and it gnaws at me enough, I do it!

Thus, Top Chef Johnny was born. We just enacted it last weekend.

The concept was to take 4 people, give them 4 random assignments, and then cook in the same kitchen. All 3 guests accepted the invite. I typed in very detailed explanations in the invitation about what we were going to do.

And then.........

When they showed up, one of them reminded me that she doesn't have cable TV - so she's never even heard of "Top Chef", the TV show. And the other one told me that, while she does have cable, she's never watched an episode of "Top Chef".

And when I exclaimed, "And when the invite was titled TOP CHEF JOHNNY, what did you think it was!?!"

They just shrugged their shoulders.

Oh, to them "Top Chef Johnny" was just another ego stroke by Johnny.

Two of them were very, very nervous. The one other cook who watches a Top Chef was looking forward to this challenge (he also wanted to make it a contest - which I stamped out immediately).

I cut up 12 slips of paper.

On the first set of 4 slips of paper were:
Salad
Appetizer
Side Dish
Main Course

On the second 4 slips of paper were:
Poultry
Beef
Seafood
Pork

On the third 4 slips of paper were:
Bell Pepper
Cashews
Pineapple
Bacon

Each cook came over to our house at noon. We then went to a "cafeteria dim-sum" restaurant and as we were waiting for our orders to come out, we drew slips.

Woman A - who has cable, but did not watch Top Chef drew:
Main Course
Pork
Bacon

Woman B - who doesn't have cable:
Salad
Seafood
Bell Peppers

Man A - who loves Top Chef:
Appetizer
Beef
Cashews

Johnny - who got the leftover slips
Side Dish
Poultry
Pineapple

One of them* was hemming-and-hawing (whining) about their draw and I allowed ONE exchange of slips (it saves hours of whining about how poor their dish will be).

Woman B and Man A swapped courses and so it became:

Woman B - who doesn't have cable:
Appetizer
Seafood
Bell Peppers

Man A - who loves Top Chef:
Salad
Beef
Cashews

Below is what followed over the course of the next 5 hours (with cooks constantly sipping small amounts of w(h)ine)

Wifey preparing the dessert in the bar area.

The work area of Man A. Toasted sesame seeds and cashews cut up into different sizes.

Woman B's work area.
My work area. I took chicken tenders and pounded them flat.


Then I wrapped the pineapple in chicken strips and stuck a toothpick through them.
Kitchen getting busy.

Woman A's bacon - later to be crumbled and placed into a sauce.
Not sure who was using this station. I think it could have been Woman B.
Woman A making her cream sauce to put on top of pork tenderloin.
Luckily pork tenderloins were on sale. Everyone had a max budget of $35 to serve 8 people. We all made it safely under the limit.
Man A's salad. Surprisingly, he chose Napa Cabbage. Later on we found out, from his lady friend, that he makes this salad often. So he kinda......cheated. Or did he? In Top Chef, they often make things for competition they make back at home.
Pork sauce with some grainy mustard.
Woman B slicing yellow tomatoes to go into a ceviche.
My chicken wraps that have been spiced.
Hey, who's sexy deep fryer is going to be used for the first time?

Fry Baby Fry!
On the side I made a topping sauce made up of: orange juice, brown sugar, cinnamon stick, and orange cognac at the very end. I boiled it down until it became a syrup.

(and to be honest - and this isn't false modesty here - this was the worst dish. It was okay, but nothing too exciting while you were eating it)
The ceviche. It had shrimp, scallops, orange roughy with red bell pepper, basil, yellow tomatoes, cilantro, onions, and lots of lime juice.**
Salad with tomatoes and beef encrusted with cashews
The pork sauce.
Slicing up the pork tenderloins to plate on top of risotto.
And the sauce has green onions and bacon sprinkled on top of the pork sauce.

*She reads this blog on a occasional basis. But she knows I'd say the same thing to her face.

**This was the best dish by far and it was made by whiny, nervous Woman B!