[Now, regardless of what you read below, please take into account that I'm not trying to be sarcastic when I bring up questions to "you" in the later part of this post]
Recently, I was reading someone's concerns that a daycare may not have enough diversity. Then, I thought to myself, "Seems that having a classroom of white faces will teach my kid what the real world will be like."
I don't mean to disparage any families that seek diversity. I was thinking about how I'm very comfortable being the only minority in a room full of white folk when I attend a meeting at the Mega-lo-corp or when I attend an adoption workshop or when I take my kid to dance class for kiddos and I'm sitting in the waiting area waiting for class to conclude.
For all my mother's faults, she killed herself trying to provide a better life for us. When I was young, we lived right next door to the University, which was/is the very rough part of town. She didn't want us to go to a "ghetto" elementary school. So, she made up the rules as she went along. She had a friend who had a nice house in the far suburbs. She just used that friend's home address as our "address" and essentially ferried my sister and I to and from school (one hour each way) every day for two years. Remember, these were the days when gas was about 29 cents a gallon. We didn't fight it, but I kept thinking how this was a really big hassle essentially living an hour away from our school. I also remember, to this day, my mother sacrificing herself driving FOUR hours a day in an attempt to make our lives and our future better.
That school we went to? It was very, very white. Hey, even Asians are racist in that manner. She wanted us to go to a white school because it implied better education and less trouble. Now, as I type this, I want you to know that at that age, I was totally unaware of things that may have been going on that could have affected their decision to craft their own busing program. In other words, I don't really know how bad things were around our neighborhood in downtown Houston when I was growing up. So, they may have had valid fears. Or, they may have had imaginary fears.
To be honest, I didn't get much out of going to this rich, white, upper-middle class elementary school (other than to experience extreme pollution from the nearby oil refineries).
After two years, my mother finally relented and we went to the local "ghetto" elementary school we were always meant to attend. I loved it. I learned so much there from dedicated teachers. And then, my parents, looking to protect us bought their first house in the new suburbs and we were once again yanked to another school.
Okay, another point I need to note here is that we did live in the rough part of town. On the average, a police car with sirens blazing rounded the corner of our rental house at least twice a day. I was used to having crime nearby. And when I moved to the suburbs, kids would stop playing and run to the fences and climb them to take a look at an ambulance screeching past us. I kept thinking, "What's the big deal? Someone probably got shot."
Attending elementary school, I was one of the few non-whites there along with some Indians. I got the requisite abuse, but then that happens everywhere.
That's my back story.
The philosophical questions I've been pondering have been:
1) What if you move to a place with a certain level of diversity that makes you, as a parent of an Asian child, happy? And then suddenly, something happens that pulls away those non-white kids and then the place isn't diverse anymore?
In blogs and in yahoo groups, people have been discussing a diverse situation (housing and school) as if things will stay static. Suppose you found a daycare that has 3 non-whites and 8 whites in a particular class. Then suddenly, the 3 non-whites are pulled because their parents' jobs moved and they are all transferring to another city. Do you suddenly pull your kid? That last question wasn't meant as sarcasm.
2) What happens if you do have much diversity growing up and suddenly, they enter a situation where they are the only minority? Will they suddenly feel uptight?
I'm used to everyone looking at me when the subject of being a minority comes up in group or class discussions. I'm used to everyone turning their eyes at me when this comes up. But the point is I'm used to it. I'm not saying it's fun, but I'm saying it's old hat.
3) If you start looking at diversity demographics, where do you stop?
If you find a place that's diverse race-wise, would you stop there and then consider if they have too much of one sex or the other? Again, this is not a sarcastic question. Would you put your girl in a classroom where luck has it where she is one of 2 girls in a class of 15 kids? We've read the studies where it shows that girls sometimes get bypassed in terms of attention when they are competing with the boys for the teacher's selection. Would this lead your daughter to be comfortable working with a room full of men later in life? Or would she get short shrift in attention?
4) Would there be a "race-condition" (for you Omega and Space Moms) where parents chasing diversity cause a continual ripple condition?
What I mean is that...suppose you chose a particular neighborhood or school for it's diversity. Then, enough people move out because of individual, particular reasons, and then you decide it's time for your family to pull up stakes. But then, a person "of color" may have chosen that particular neighborhood or class because YOU made up the diversity they were looking for. Then, your moving causes them to move later...and then it becomes a case of musical-race-chairs.
When I moved into my neighborhood, I was the only Asian. Then, one family moved in down the street, then another moved in. Cool. But, I didn't take the time to meet with them and do the secret Asian handshake (which ironically is the sign for Pii). Anyhoo, for job reasons, each of them eventually moved away and I was again, the lone Asian. And then, over time, two Asian families (with kids the age of [the Girl]) moved in somewhere up the street. I've been too lazy to actually make an effort to meet them.
Actually, maybe it's that I don't want to make friends with them JUST BECAUSE they're Asian. Isn't that a type of racism where I go out of my way to make friends with people because they look like me?
I'd rather make friends with pale redheads over the internet.
Who really knows? These are just thoughts I've had about the concept of diversity. However, let me leave you with two stories that have always stuck in my head. They both involve friends/colleagues at the Mega-lo-corp.
Who are all these people
I made a friend in grad school. His dad was/is a physics professor at the redneck university I went to for grad school. My friend grew up in that small town. It's a town where the African Americans hold the menial janitorial jobs and are expected to go home to "their side" of the tracks at the end of the evening.
I graduated one semester early and encouraged my bud to join me at the Mega-lo-corp. I was already settled into the job when he finally showed up. One day, he and I were chatting about how he was getting along at the company. Then, he suddenly said to me:
Johnny, there sure are a lot of Black people working here.He didn't say it with anger. He said it with a.....I guess what I could call naive amazement. He had never seen Blacks as anything but the janitorial staff and he was amazed that all these "type of folks" could get computer and engineering degrees.
I don't want to mix with those people
And then there's the story of my first manager. The mega-lo-corp was co-sponsoring it's very first daycare and many parents of small children working at the 'corp were very excited. My manager, a woman, had two young kids and I asked her if she was excited about being able to place her kids in that nearby daycare.
She had a bachelors and masters in mathematics. Her father was a math professor and she married a math professor who teaches (still) at our local university.
She looked at me and said that she wasn't going to place her kids in the daycare. I was surprised and asked why not? She said she didn't want her kids mixing with the kids of "those people". I was shocked. Surely she couldn't mean Blacks, Asians or Hispanics? No. She meant she didn't want her kids mixing with other kids whose parents were blue collar workers who worked at the Mega-lo-corp assembly line. She didn't want her kids to learn cuss words and other un-couth habits from the kids of "those people".
These two stories, I'm not sure exactly how it relates to my thoughts about diversity. But, I can see the pros and cons of "shopping" for this diversity. But at the same time, I'm a child of living in a non-diverse environment.
Maybe that's why I get along so well with Whitey.
15 comments:
Wow, Johnny, so many things to consider and discuss in this one post!
I think we wouldn't ever choose a place to live based on the diversity demographics because, like you stated, it is something that will forever be changing. We may exclude places, however, that seem to be forever predominantly white, upper class areas because we prefer diversity ourselves.
As ignorant or naive as it sounds, I hadn't thought about the idea of our child being the "diverse kid" in class. The one face that allows the teacher to confidently proclaim that this is a diverse classroom.
And you are also right that it goes beyond race, and can include gender, socio-economic class, even religious preference.
Your one story reminds me of a white teacher I once worked with in a school that had a large percentage of Hispanic students. She was discussing looking for a place to live in town, and her comment was, "I will teach them, but I don't want to live with them." And this was a person who was responsible for educating our youth.
As always, lots of great points to consider here. I don't guess I've ever thought about seeking out a diverse neighborhood intentionally, but I guess it may be because I live in one (coincidently). Also, working with the College Ministry at church, it is the most racially diverse area of our church, come to think of it...so I guess I've never considered it because I live in a pretty diverse life. Good things to consider...
I guess I want it all -- I want this future kid to be comfortable in a room full of several races, a roomful of Asians (who are not necessarily adoptees), and a roomful of white people.
Since we live in a large city, even with things constantly in flux, I think we will be able to manage it. But what if we decide we really need a yard and everything else the suburbs have to offer? As you suggest, it's all a balancing act -- we'll have to see who our kid is and how the reality plays out.
Very interesting post to me. I have been fretting that we (a mixed race family -- me, white, DH Chinese-American, two biracial sons and daughter from China) live in a VERY white town. So I have been yammering about moving to a more diverse area "for the kids." My husband, first generation Chinese-American, is like "my mother would have slit her wrists for us to live in a town with a school system this good and she wouldn't have cared if we were the only non-whites in a 200 mile radius." You get the point. To him, culturally, it's all about the education (like your Mom). He would sacrifice anything for the kids' education. When I ask about diversity he says -- "I live here don't I?" -- meaning the kids have him and "our family is diverse."!
DS-L
Once again, great post. I've often wondered (OK, felt guilty about) not living in a diverse enough town. We love where we live, so moving hasn't been on the table. So thanks for the insight.
BTW, the post about 'how much did you pay' for your child was enlightening. Although I've never been appoached with that question by anyone Asian, I'll understand where they're coming from if/when it happens.
BTW, I've changed my blog address, had some problems, but all is resolved. www.spillingmycoffee.blogspot.com
I will be honest we live in an area that is not as diverse as we would like. But having said that we have always said that if we lived in a small town we would be sure to travel. We feel that it is important for our children to know that there are alot of interesting places, cultures and people out there....beyond our own zip code! It our hope that our children will be respectful and comfortable where ever they may land!
Well, here I am as a pale redhead who has thought a lot about these issues of diversity. That's where I always get hung up...changing environments happen. I'm just going to do the best I can do to make sure my kiddo is comfortable in her own skin no matter who surrounds her.
Lots of great reading in the prior comments.
sufrThanks for the post, a lot to consider. However, I have lived in all types of neighborhoods--they joys of moving my whole life--and I have to say there is a difference in not just the faces, but in the attitudes.
Being a white person I guess I am open to the "secret" discussions (like racism doesn't show or something) or to the lack of cultural experiences that come from living in a white bread area. For god's sake--at my last university there were student's that had never heard of Cinco de Mayo! let alone understanding that it was on May 5th or and an actual student that told me that there were no gays in this part of the country--I just don't get it. Do people chose to live in a bubble or are they breed that way?
It is not the lack of diversity in faces (for the most part) I am seeking for Madeline; it is the diversity in religions, the diversity in experiences; and the acceptance (by no means do I think acceptance is universal in intergrated areas) that comes when living in a place where seeing a non-white face is something to really gawk at.
Just my thoughts.
Please look past my pathetic spelling and grammar in the last post--I exhausted.
Very interesting post. Growing up, I attended an elementary school that was overwhelmingly white and a junior high school that was overwhelmingly Hispanic. I was comfortable being one of the few Asians in both schools. For high school, I had the culture shock of attending a school that was 1/2 Asian. I felt very out of my element in the beginning to be surrounded by so many Asians. After an adjustment period, I must say that I loved not being the sole Asian representative. I didn't hear ignorant comments as much, enjoyed being one of the mass, and shared common experiences with other Asians (such as feeling not fully part of either American or Asian culture). So for my daughter, I do and will seek out diversity. Luckily, we live in a diverse neighborhood with great schools, so I don't have to choose between education and diversity.
Hi, I'm a pale red head! Almost blue in fact (my pale-ness, not my hair).
I think these comments, as well as your post, are really interesting. You know it's beaten into our heads we're raising children of "color" and let us not forget that video compilation that was going around about a year ago - remember? The one where the very grown up professor said "You will never be able to teach your child to be Asian-American." I know for me those words have haunted me. It's difficult for us whitey parents to think there is something as profound as this that must be learned must be experienced by our children, and yet we won't be any part of it. Couldn't be a part of it except to stand in the sidelines should they fall. We have no experiences, no stories and no anecdotes. So we do the next best thing, we try to expose our children to diversity. Sometimes we go a little overboard, true, but the intention is pure. Deep down inside, we're all just a little scared and want to do the right thing.
I can tell you this, Emma's classroom has hispanic, african-american and chinese children and she is drawn to the other chinese girl. They are with each other every day when I pick her up. I can't help think that means something, that in each other they see themselves.
There are a million things to comment on there but. . . I have to pee (no kidding).
I grew up thinking Jews were the majority in this world. I learned in college, after a girl rubbed my head to check for horns, that this was not the case.
Since then, I have really preferred to be and live where being white was not the majority. I know, hard to find. But from NYC, SF and then NM, it was easier to be in a more diverse population.
I keep thinking our kid is going to have it rough because the crowds we run in are either white, hispanic or black. And not very asian.
But, then again, I have been dying to book it out of here since the day we got here. So, we will see where the world takes us.
Too much good stuff to comment on in this little box I have here, but I agree on MANY points you ahve made about "seeking out diversity".
My children will have white parents, a black grandfather, red and blonde haired cousins along side of black and half black ones, and will most likely at least start off in a school where she will be one of only a few Asians. I will put her in the best daycare that she thrives in, regardless of whether the people are white, blue, or plaid. And I will hope that she won't have to endure too many insensitive experiences due to her race, and hopefully she will learn from the rest of her family another persons ugliness can't keep you down.
Lots more I could say, but I'll leave it at that. Great post!
And BTW - a wad of spit flew out of my mouth as I instantaneously belly laughed when reading, "But, I didn't take the time to meet with them and do the secret Asian handshake (which ironically is the sign for Pii)"
I'd love permission to use a paraphrased version of that...lol...
I've heard these arguments and read them too about seeking out diversity.
While I've always paid attention to the mix of the neighborhood as a single home owner and as a married couple with no kids, we haven't sought out situations.
I struggled with what to do for Magpie, in the end, so much of the US is still a white world there is no way to avoid it. I think the idea of learning to adapt and feel comfortable is pretty damn healthy.
Thanks for the fresh perspective, I was thinking I was one of the few who wasn't moving or getting a new job or checking out the diverse daycares, just because those opportunities are diverse.
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